Personality: Destiny

Many of us believe we possess a destiny. Destiny suggests an important purpose to our lives. The belief in destiny helps provide a roadmap through the chaos and confusion of our daily living. It infuses meaning into our experiences as our life path discovers the twists and turns of existence.


However, there are destructive impulses within and outside that interfere with destiny. Excessive anger, sexual repression, depression, and addictions are but a few. They rob us of authentic purpose, detach us from others, obstruct pleasure and take away from meaning. We live for about 80 years, generally leave a legacy of offspring, and our influences live on. During our youth we enjoy the process of growing up and during adulthood we find satisfaction in growing wisdom. Destructive habits and behaviors shorten our ability to achieve and enjoy our unique destinies

Personality: Sexual Repression

By their very nature psychological concepts are abstract and difficult to define and measure. In this like manner, sexual repression is vague and hard to quantify. In general though, sexual repression refers to the inability or prevention of sexual expression and behavior. Sexual energy, or libido, becomes stymied and the life giving drive is forced from mind and body. Instead of just going away, however, symptoms develop such as mental and physical tension, a general sense of frustration and an over-controlled personality.


Another outcome of sexual repression is sadism. People who suppress their libido tend to be critical people who use a great deal of sarcasm. They may take joy in the bad luck of people and do not rejoice in the success of others. They are often unwilling to share or reciprocate unless it is mandatory or expected of them. Spontaneity is lacking in their speech and their feelings are kept hidden. They are equally stingy with money and their emotions.

Personality: The Effects of Excessive Alcohol

It’s often said that a drunken person reveals their true character. Actually, the opposite is true. Personality is the central organizing quality of an individual. It provides the character and flavor to thoughts, emotions, and behavior. Whenever an individual becomes drunk the ability to organize is lost. Behavior and thoughts become loose, disheveled and primitive. The organizing quality of personality requires control and excessive alcohol reduces or eliminates self-control.


The question remains as to exactly what is revealed about a person when they are drunk, besides secrets and indiscretions. The answer may be found in the brain effect of prolonged alcohol ingestion. Chronic alcohol abuse changes the chemistry of the brain. Since the brain functions primarily as a bio-electric-chemical system any change to the structure alters our minds. Dark, inexplicable moods occur from alcohol abuse and shame replaces pride. There may be periods of black outs and individuals create false stories of their behavior during these lost times. Prolonged alcohol abuse produces destructive changes and covers up the true personality. If a person is motivated to stop drinking and finds the necessary help, there is some hope. After 48 hours without alcohol the acute poisoning of the brain is relieved. After 30-60 days without alcohol the brain starts to function close to normal, and after 1-3 years most of the brain functions and normal personality are restored.

Personality: The Narcissist and the Pain of Competition

Of course, few of us ever wish to lose at competitive events.  Loss of a contest understandably results in disappointment and dejected feelings.  After a brief while most people will move on to other activities and place the loss into the back of their minds.  As successful athletes say “You need to have a short memory”.

For the narcissist competitive losses are a different matter.  Remember, lurking beneath the mental surface of the narcissist is fear of an unspecified flaw.  The inner haunting about a vague personal defect that others might discover yields a wide array of self-centered behavior designed as a cover up.

Part of the cover up after a loss is deflection of blame.  The narcissist can rarely admit personal faults.  Instead losses are attributed to luck rather than skill of the opponent, or cheating, or illness or other external events.  For the excessively self-centered individual losses occur only because of uncontrollable actions located outside of them.   To think otherwise would be an admission of an intolerable shortcoming.  For the narcissist this would result in a festering mental wound with lasting pain.

Personality: Happiness

Western society links happiness with physical pleasures or material attainment, especially wealth. In reality though, happiness is a state of mind based on beliefs, values and achievement. While owning sufficient possessions for comfort may be part of a happy life, there are other ingredients as well. At the very least please consider family, friendship, knowledge, values, and health as key components of a happy life.


Psychologists have long studied people who have reached high levels of personal attainment. Inside these peak experience achievers it has been noticed they also possess high levels of contentment, love, self-satisfaction and happiness. Happy people have a mental version of an ideal self that includes virtue. They strive constantly to reach the best level of their life, always considering the balance between their own needs and empathy towards others. Their achievements are rarely selfish, but rather provide benefits that include others. A realistic and proud caring self along with a striving for betterment seems to bring happiness.

The Wounded Narcissist

Within most of our souls lurks a self-centered nature. If kept in balance it serves our interests, protects us from harm and guides us toward satisfaction. Combined with a genuine empathy for others, the self focus can be healthy.


When it gets out of line and behavior become overtly selfish, with an enhanced sense of entitlement, we have narcissism. Narcissism is a serious personality problem. A clue to whether self interest is going to far may be our reaction to disappointment, criticism or insults. For the narcissist, any form of criticism, open or implied, becomes a wound. The emotional wound festers and never seems to heal. The only solution is more conceit and false superiority in vain attempts to appear faultless. Examine your response to disappointment. Are you too angry? Are you having problems letting go of the hurt? Is it healthy to feel so wounded for so long? Is it worth it?

The Shy Personality

A tendency toward solitary life coupled with reluctance to speak usually indicates shyness. Persons with shyness feel insecure about their relationships and may be sensitive to the remarks of others. They feel others will find fault with their ideas and judge them unfavorably.

In fact shyness may be described as a fear of self expression. Within the psyche of the shy person lurks an interpersonal inadequacy that borders on social phobia. The shy person sees almost everyone as painfully judgmental about anything verbally expressed. As a result it’s better to keep things inside, away from the punishing judgments of “the other”.

The strength of shyness comes from the inner center where ideas and concepts are fundamentally personal and expressed internally. Shy people possess analytical ability and migrate toward jobs and situations that require plodding productivity but little social interaction. Shyness can be overcome through gentle therapy that leads toward a realization that a shy, fragile person is fundamentally no different than others